"Ownership" Ad, Response #2
Mr. President,
I recently saw your new campaign ad, "ownership." I would like to take part in your offer. You are right that it will make me feel much better about my stake in America! If I understood correctly, I can choose between owning a home, a business, a health care plan, or a retirement plan. Owning a home would be nice. Are the homes you are offering in decent neighborhoods? Also, I am renting my kitchen appliances right now, so please include those in my home (and I'll need a pretty big yard if possible) if I choose that option.

Owning a business really sounds vague. Do I get a real decent business like a Mrs. Winner's or Krystal? If it's one of those crappy infomercial kind of businesses I think I'll pass. Please be more specific with what kind of business I can own.

Owning a health care plan sounds great, but do you mean I get my own insurance company? Or just get to control one of their plans? My idea for a health care plan is one that provides all the food a person needs. Food's a part of health care, right? Unlimited beans, bread, peanut butter, eggs and milk for a starter. Maybe that will be the name of my health care plan that I own. But it sounds like a lot of paperwork. Like you, I'm not so good with the words (or numbers!) So I will probably pass on the health care plan.

Also my ideas for owning a retirement plan are mainly that there should be a lot more sex. I think if retired people had more sex, they would be healthier and happier. Maybe we could bring some younger people in to try to spice things up (in return for a tax credit, or college tuition break of course). That would be my retirement plan anyway.

Thanks for the offer! I'm leaning toward the home right now. Please send more info. Thanks!